Rule 32: [Hardee's Breakfast]

Oh man oh man. For those not in the know, the de facto Hardee's Breakfast consists of an order of hash rounds and the heavenly, magical, and amazing Cinnamon m' Raisin Biscuit. The last time I had the joy of partaking in this holy ritual, it was on my way to Ohio in 2008. The hash rounds are pretty self explanatory. Little, round bite-sized morsels of potato-y goodness that were they not capable of choking you would best be inhaled. The main event, as I like to think of it, is of course the Cinnamon n' Raisin Biscuit -- a warm, flaky biscuit layered with cinnamon and the occasional raisin-y treasure topped off with a heaping dose of gooey frosting. So perfect is the Hardee's Breakfast that when I die, I fully expect that upon reaching Heaven this will be the first meal waiting for me.

Perhaps it would be sensible to elaborate where this unhealthy love of this most worthy of breakfasts stems from. Firstly, from the time I was six years old and in school, a Hardee's existed not two blocks from my childhood schoolyard. Those of you who know me well know that I have a knack for never being on time.... ever. This is the root of that quirk. No matter how late we were running, it was mandatory that I ingest a Hardee's Breakfast before trudging into boring, old school. This is how my mornings began for years and years until, from what I can tell, the Hardee's franchise collapsed on itself. That childhood Hardee's is now a Taco Bell, but the ghosts of my breakfast delight linger on. The final factor in my love of this treat is in the fact that I am rarely awake early enough coupled with the fact I eat breakfast maybe twice a year. Today when consuming my delicious breakfast from what I consider for all intents and purposes the LAST Hardee's in Wisconsin, I was a six year old boy again running late for school and finding it hard to see past the frosted biscuit in my hand. Awesome.

Rule 32: [The Strawberry-Banana Smoothie]

This is the beginning of a brand new series I am starting. The title of this article, Rule 32, is a kind of in-joke for those in the know. The phrase 'enjoy the little things' has been around for a long time. Naming my article Enjoying the Little Things might have worked, but calling it Rule 32 is much more clever. For those of you still not in the loop, Rule 32 hails from the movie Zombieland in which the main character survives the zombie apocalypse by strictly following a list of rules. He adopts Rule 32 after finding the silver lining in a terrible situation thanks to his psychotic comrade Tallahassee (played to Natural Born Killers perfection by Woody Harrelson). Thusly, I have named this new feature Rule 32.

The point of these writings is to capture little moments in my own life which I think merit special recollection.

Milwaukee was boiling north of 94 degrees yesterday and when you live in a 200 year old house as I do, air conditioning is not a foregone conclusion. Needless to say, it was a day of doing nothing in the attempt to maintain a body temperature that didn't feel a lot like my internal organs were liquefying. Eventually it dawned on me that not only can I drive, but local fast food establishments serve ice cold treats for convenient prices everyday. It wasn't long before I found myself at McDonald's purchasing a Strawberry-Banana Smoothie. A smoothie in and of itself is not a life altering thing, but on a day where even being outside for five minutes leaves you gently coated in a thick layer of sweat, a smoothie can be the most beautiful thing in the world. It tasted better than it had any right, and that ten minutes while I consumed it served as an oasis in an otherwise intolerable day. These little moments can be the high point of a week if you let them, and for me it was just that.

So here's to the smoothies of the world and the salvation they offer on a day so hot and sunny you forget what it feels like to function normally.