Yeah, I watched High School Musical 3. Yes, I'm still trying to figure out the myriad things this could possibly portend about my mental stability. Alas, though, what better place to vent my thoughts on this wildly popular Disney musical about the struggles and hardships of... high school.
Now, where other movies would shy away or subvert the real issues, I found that High School musical really nailed the dramatic beats other such adolescent fair seems to sidestep. Should Gabriella take an early orientation at Stanford University and (brace yourselves) forego Prom night? Should Troy embrace his machismo and go to the local college to play basketball with his best friend, or should he embrace his theatre-loving, musical side and try for a Juliard scholarship? Will Chad be able to put down the basketball (literally) and scrape up a good enough Prom invitation for his high strung girlfriend? Will Ryan ever open his eyes to twin sister Sharpay's bullshit and smack a bitch? To say the least these question hit often and they hit hard.
Suffice it to say that these tough issues demonstrate one simple, unavoidable fact: No matter what we do or where we go in life, the most difficult decisions and most meaningful moments we'll have to face are in high school. In all seriousness folks, I had to chuckle at most of this movie because the kids portrayed in this movie have only the most trivial problems raised purely by their own arrogance. For example, I don't think I can recall Troy (Zac Effron) and the gang ever being in a classroom for more than two minutes in the whole film. That's a pretty cool deal. In fact, most of their time is devoted to writing their own senior class musical for God knows what reason. And let's just face facts, a theatre production in high school is a hotbed for illicit, pent up sexual tensions between awkward, theatre-minded adolescents. If that was what my senior year consisted of, I may look back on high school as fondly as these kids are obviously going to be doing for the rest of their lives.
The most complicated struggle in this whole movie, and therefore the most 'real', is the heartwrenching situation of Troy staying in town for college and the apparent 'love of his life' Gabriella deciding to go to Stanford (because she's apparently fucking smart as hell... such a complicated life). Don't worry though, even this plot thread is resolved through numerous romantic ballads and choreographed dances between the starcrossed lovers that just so happen to showcase how nice their lives are. Honestly, their high school is surrounded by scenic mountains and looks to be more elaborate than some Washington monuments, each of their houses are in perfect neighborhoods, there's NEVER a hint of inclimate weather (oh and when there was rain, the sun was setting in the background making everything sparkle magically), and I'll be god damned if I ever once saw them do homework. Oh, I didn't even mention that along with Troy and Gabriella, the entire deciding branch of the senior class is made up of seven people each with their own electric and invoking personality. Long story short, these kids have almost NOTHING to complain about EVER except the bullshit hang-ups they bring down on themselves.
So in the end everything ends up great. Troy decides to go to school for BOTH drama and basketball (realistic) at a school thirty minutes from Gabriella (conveniant), Chad makes amends with Troy and vows to play him in basketball at college, and the rest don't really matter because they aren't as strongly connected to Zac Effron.
So what did I learn? I learned that even when life is great and you have time for spontaneous musical numbers in perfect settings, you'll never surpass the greatness of high school. Yep, these kids all peaked early and the real interesting movie would be seeing how hard they all succumb to either alcoholism, drug abuse, or prostitution. And no, it will be one of those three and nothing else for them.
As a side note, I was a little bummed SNL got to this joke a little ahead of me WITH Zac Effron to boot. Oh well, chucklesome nonetheless.
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