Review: The Expendables

The Expendables is a movie out of time. By all rights, everything about it belongs in a movie released sometime around the late eighties or early nineties. Alas, though, here it is in 2010 in all of it's action movie glory. Of course, the benefit of being released this year and in this time period is that the gore levels can be rendered with that much more shocking viscerality (if that's even a word). I think that it's always a good sign when the first few minutes of a film include something either getting shot in half or brutally maimed (see Ninja Assassin for a similar effect).

Watching The Expendables is a lot like getting beat up, I imagine. Things happen so quick you never get to process them, the reasons for everything happening are not entirely clear, your memory of events is blurry afterward, and you end up feeling a lot less masculine when it's all over. The pace of the film is unceasingly set to 'wait? what?' and only manages to slow itself down when it feels obliged to add pathos to our lumbering, cool-talking, fist-bumping protagonists. Speaking of protagonists, did director Sylvester Stallone think he'd being doing us all a favor by subtly jamming the camera approximately four inches from each actor's face during dialogue scenes? If you've ever wondered just how acquainted you could get with Mickey Rourke's punched-out facade or Stallone's wax-dummy skin, The Expendables will surely answer this for you.

The plot is the kind of larger-than-life, questionable odds affair you'd expect from this type of action movie. Somehow five guys with necks wider than their heads are expected to overthrow not just a small dictatorship, but the entire army that defends said dictatorship. I'd be the first to forgive a throwaway excuse to unleash almost two hours of bloodshed, but The Expendables wants to give everything a reason or meaning outside of 'good guys kill bad guys because they're bad'. The ultimate decision to go overthrow this imaginary country is made after an existential soliloquy delivered with surprisingly effective aplomb by Mickey Rourke's character, Tool -- the tough guy with a conscious and a heart. Additionally, the film attempts to flesh out Jason Statham's Lee Christmas for reasons unknown in the framework of a sensitive guy who's had his heart broken. Thankfully, this somewhat superfluous side-plot is completely and utterly saved by the presence of one Charisma Carpenter. Long absent from anything semi-relevant in TV or film, it's comforting to know she can still rock the screen simply by being on it. I suppose the words she speaks are good too. While the chemistry between Statham and Charisma (because I like to pretend I'm on a first-name basis with her) is passable, it's a shame that the romance between Stallone and Statham is hundreds of times more palpable. This is first and foremost a story about bros high-fiving and axe-kicking heads loose from necks together.

The action is great and entertaining and requires no thought process passed marveling at the way a guy's head realistically explodes and how cool it is to watch a guy kill ten people with throwing knives. You may also wonder how old Stallone is (hint: 64!!) and how his hips don't break instantly at the thought of such intense skirmishes. Headaches may ensue thanks to cinematography that sometimes frames action too closely and relies too much on a shaky camera to evoke chaos. All in all though, The Expendables does not disappoint when it comes time to start shooting bullets.

In the end, The Expendables doesn't really live up to it's namesake. In all the chaos unfolding on screen, the main characters never take even one noticeable injury making them anything but expendable. Have you seen Rambo? It's basically Stallone running through the jungle killing everything and being unstoppable. Ok, now divide that one character into five and throw them into a war with an entire army. That's essentially all you need to know about The Expendables. Nameless people die; quips are quipped; seemingly dead leads inexplicably show up in the final scene alive and laughing; and at the end of the day after hundreds have been mercilessly murdered, the most important thing is paying off a joke about how quickly two men can kill.

Boston and the Wisconsin State Fair.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Boston and from Wisconsin's best summertime event; the State Fair.

Review: Scott Pilgrim - Volumes 1 - 6

Scott Pilgrim is pretty much everywhere right now with the release of the Michael Cera, Edgar Wright film of the same name. A few simple clicks and you can find a handful of helpful reviews to find out if this film is for you. This is part of the reason I don't review every film I see anymore -- it turns me into one voice in a crowd of screaming people. In the case of Scott Pilgrim, though, I feel it merits a few words. In this review I will focus solely on the graphic novel series from which the story sprung for the major motion picture.

To be clear, I read through the first five parts of the Scott Pilgrim franchise months and months ago and just finished the last volume about a month ago. Because of this, I'm going to give general impressions of the series instead of specific reviews of each volume. If anything, volume six will get the most coverage because it's the most fresh in my mind, but also because it's my favorite and the most important to the series.

Though this part may be a little redundant, Scott Pilgrim is about a young, 23 year old whom we join towards the end of his grieving period after getting his heart broken by a mysterious and giant-looming ex girlfriend. In his early twenty-ish haze of confusion and misdirection, Scott is futilely dating a 17 year old high school student in an attempt to feel some dose of comfort even though he is really only finding convenience. It is clear from the first chapter of book one that Scott is not an entirely likable character. He's a bit dumb, he's completely manic often going though the gamut of emotions on one page, he only remembers things in a self-centered manner, and it's hard to believe he cares about anyone but himself. Eventually Scott meets the literal girl of his dreams in Ramona Flowers and through a very extreme set of consequences is forced to take a look at his life and get it together.

Scott Pilgrim is a bit of a cypher of the newly twenty year old generation. He's essentially a mess of conflicting emotions, impulsive gestures, and reactions that very much align with many a person his age. It's this fact that I imagine will decide if people will be able to stomach the insanity contained within the thousand pages of adventures Scott stumbles through. I suppose I should append that note to include the art on display, especially early in the series. A weird mix of quasi-manga, pseudo new-age scrawl the art of Scott Pilgrim volumes 1 - 4 has a learning curve. Either way, the book succeeds or fails in the mind of the reader in the character of Scott Pilgrim. Personally, I found the character extremely relatable for a number of reasons. Many of Scott's attitudes and more importantly problems are nigh-identical to my own. I also find it very easy to associate with a character so steeped in geek culture while at the same time struggling with the perils of having to grow up not as a possibility, but a necessity.

It is a safe assertion to make that Scott Pilgrim is largely an allegorical work. Scott is forced to fight in hand-to-hand brawls Ramona's seven evil ex-boyfriends, but it is safe to assume that the fighting is an allegory for coping, for getting over oneself, and for the rigors of falling in love. The movie trailer famously quips that "everyone has baggage", it's just that Ramona's is a much larger and blunt representation of such a concept. Each fight with each successive ex boyfriend fits another snapshot in the ongoing relationship with Scott and Ramona. Matthew Patel, the first of the challengers, is fairly easily dispatched in a show of what I think is perhaps indicative of the early moments of a relationship -- which is to say pretty easily gotten over, but not without its lasting and perhaps reverberating effects. By the time Scott fights Todd Ingram, he's not only dealing with the past of his current girlfriend but he's also having to confront the proverbial mountain that is his most recent ex. It's kung-fu coming of age storytelling that under any other approach may feel well-worn, but because Scott Pilgrim laces itself heavily with flash and fanservice it finds new life and meaning; assuming the method of delivery is agreeable to the reader.

The most important aspect of the ongoing series of Scott Pilgrim books is that characters grow as the story continues. Along the way, creator Bryan Lee O'Malley is able to throw curve balls and realistic turns into his story that make it that much easier to associate with the plight of the bombastic characters. This is a prime advantage that the books have over the movie, perhaps understandably so. In the fourth book, Scott finally starts to feel he's getting his life together. He gets a job, faces some personal demons that are obstacles in his path to happiness with Ramona, and he finally gains courage enough to commit to her in a meaningful way. Still things are not as rosey as they seem, as omens of cracks in the relationship are all over from a Dark Scott to a shadowy figure enslaving Ramona in her subconscious and an increasingly bored and distracted demeanor.

In what I believe to be one of the most important moments in the entire series, Book Five showcases everything Scott has done falling apart around him. All of the good things and progress he felt he made end up meaning almost nothing, and everything from friends to job to Ramona end up (in some cases literally) fading away. To be clear, I don't think this is a brilliant turn because I find it enjoyable. I like it only because it's very akin to real life in that sometimes just when you think you're hitting your stride, one very important thing can snap and all the things you've believed you were accomplishing were merely a front for real change. It's powerful, Empire Strikes Back kind of stuff.

Book Six is aptly titled Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour. This title works for a number of reasons. The first and most obvious for me was the new and improved art. O'Malley hired on two art assistants for this volume, and I imagine it was this extra room to breathe that allowed him to really knock this book out of the park on a visual level. Everything has a solid, locked-in appearance. As opposed to the early volumes in which characters were only rough approximations of themselves from page to page, the sixth book explodes with cartoony imagery and amazingly detailed art. This is also the Finest Hour because the story pays off in a big way in almost every facet. We join Scott after a year of trying and failing to get over Ramona. He's essentially retreated into his own apartment and locked himself from the world. In his grief he makes some rash decisions about what he thinks will best get him over Ramona, and they are each as awkward and uncomfortable as they are in real life.

Eventually after a retreat and a meeting with an old friend, Scott is able to confront his 'dark side' and embrace it -- an action that not only helps him reconcile with himself, but also with everything he has been childishly running away from for five books. The events of the finale are not overwhelmingly important. The important parts revolve around Scott finally growing up and facing down the things he casually ignored. When he finally confronts Gideon Graves, Ramona's own large-looming ex, it's not for her but for Scott himself in a show of getting over his hang-ups. It feels almost like the completion of a cycle for the character. Scott grieves, Scott finds love, Scott loses love thanks to his own selfishness, Scott stumbles and falls, and finally Scott confronts the catalyst for his growth -- both Gideon (the representation of all Scott's insecurities) and Ramona. It's big, it's ridiculous, but it works.

If I had one gripe with the conclusion to this giant story, it would actually be the simplicity of the ending. While in fiction I do believe that it is best to give the audience an ending they can walk away happy with, I find that in reality sometimes the results of Book Six are impossible. I admit that while the reconciliation presented here is quite convenient, it is not without its own admitted uncertainty and hopefulness. If anything it's that feeling that even though it's nicely tied up, it may not work that saves the ending from losing me. At heart, I'm an optimist and I like to believe life can pay off in such a way.

In the end, Scott Pilgrim is all about growing up and getting over yourself; something with which I am intimately acquainted. It's presented in a hyper-active way that is very much indicative of the problems that prevent many twenty-somethings from growing up, but I think that is almost poetic considering the message of the story. Bryan Lee O'Malley's story speaks to the adolescent in all of us that's struggling to cope with the ever increasing enormity of adult life and adult relationships. I can't speak to that enormity through the eyes of someone aged past this point, but I can imagine there is something inherent in the story that we all acknowledge.

Time Turned Fragile (Unfinished)

"There come stretches of life when otherwise substantial amounts of time by any discerning account pass by imperceptibly fast as relative to our own experience. Essentially, if you are not stopping to smell the proverbial flowers time has a habit of accelerating around you without your notice. Lately, I have found myself victim to this occurrence more often than I'd like, but enough to pique my curiosities about the subject. Firstly, time as I see it is the unceasing and inevitable passage of events in a linear, forward-moving sequence that defines the progression of life. I think it's important to make note of the fact that time without a focal point does not exist; that is to say that without the events in which between we call 'time' there would be nothing. As far as I've been concerned in my thinking, without beings capable of defining these events in accordance with their existence the concept of time is kind of unnecessary. Time is important to all of us because we don't have an unlimited supply of it, and thusly we define the progression of our life cycles by moments and how we've utilized the 'time' we've experienced in between.

The most damning trick of time is that very often we will be unaware of it until we stop to reflect on the events that have already occurred. In my own experience, sometimes the urge to live in the moment robs you of the perspective to appreciate moments passed the fleeting present; the 'here and now'. Perception is the key to the way we deal with time as humans. We are at once both aware of the inertial movement of time, while at the same instant we are able to affect our own awareness and appreciation for it through the lengths in which we perceive it."

I wrote this on November 10, 2009 as I was pondering the enormity of time and how quickly it passes. I've always found it fascinating when one can recall an event in time only to realize that though it seems to have happened only a short while ago, the truth is that a considerable time period has elapsed. The mere fact that I wrote this nine months ago is boggling enough in and of itself.

I guess I wanted to release this article in an unfinished state. I have a number of unfinished pieces sitting on my computer, and while I may never post some, I felt the core of my argument was pretty solid in what I had already written considering time. Time is something someone like me in my early twenties has tons of, and yet it never feels like there is enough.

The most damning thing about time can be summed up by this quote from an unknown source:

“Time is the cruelest teacher; first she gives the test, then teaches the lesson.”

Time is something we can never cheat. We can never outrun it or produce more of it. We can regret how we spent it, but we cannot undo that which is done. All we can do is try with our very souls to do with our time all that we can so that in a moment of reckoning far in our futures we will not have the misfortune of looking back in frustration, but in a triumph of the purest human experience.

If time makes fools of us all, then perhaps we should endeavor all of us to be foolish on our own terms when that moment comes.

Rule 32: [The Strawberry-Banana Smoothie]

This is the beginning of a brand new series I am starting. The title of this article, Rule 32, is a kind of in-joke for those in the know. The phrase 'enjoy the little things' has been around for a long time. Naming my article Enjoying the Little Things might have worked, but calling it Rule 32 is much more clever. For those of you still not in the loop, Rule 32 hails from the movie Zombieland in which the main character survives the zombie apocalypse by strictly following a list of rules. He adopts Rule 32 after finding the silver lining in a terrible situation thanks to his psychotic comrade Tallahassee (played to Natural Born Killers perfection by Woody Harrelson). Thusly, I have named this new feature Rule 32.

The point of these writings is to capture little moments in my own life which I think merit special recollection.

Milwaukee was boiling north of 94 degrees yesterday and when you live in a 200 year old house as I do, air conditioning is not a foregone conclusion. Needless to say, it was a day of doing nothing in the attempt to maintain a body temperature that didn't feel a lot like my internal organs were liquefying. Eventually it dawned on me that not only can I drive, but local fast food establishments serve ice cold treats for convenient prices everyday. It wasn't long before I found myself at McDonald's purchasing a Strawberry-Banana Smoothie. A smoothie in and of itself is not a life altering thing, but on a day where even being outside for five minutes leaves you gently coated in a thick layer of sweat, a smoothie can be the most beautiful thing in the world. It tasted better than it had any right, and that ten minutes while I consumed it served as an oasis in an otherwise intolerable day. These little moments can be the high point of a week if you let them, and for me it was just that.

So here's to the smoothies of the world and the salvation they offer on a day so hot and sunny you forget what it feels like to function normally.