Books to Read at the End of Your Rope.

The following books are real. You can buy them from Amazon.com. I'm including links to the pages for purchase (click the title of each book). In some cases some of these books are funny, but the customer reviews are what make me really laugh. Without further adieu...

Do-It-Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People


There are almost no words to properly discuss this madness. I guess from one point of view, why not build your own coffin? On the other, if you're this jazzed to build your own death-box you may have some serious issues beyond if you prefer oak to pine wood.

Awesome Customer Review:

I have built one of the coffins following the directions in the book. Some measurements are missing, and some are not correct. This cost me in materials and time. Beware!

~ Eric Garwood, future and prospective corpse.

Anybody Can Be Cool -- But Awesome Takes Practice


Finally, a manual for all of us who have been on that social fringe for years and years! If you've been struggling to break into the upper crust of society but just couldn't muster the appropriate levels of awesome; this is the book for you. Finally!

Awesome Customer Review:

For years I knew I was cool, but suspected that I could be potentially awesome. Then a friend told me about this book and needless to say it's a page turner. Through these pages I learned how to harness my cool and turn it into actual awesomeness. I'm proud to say that today I am awesome. Not only that, but I've also retained my cool. Definately recommend this book to anyone looking to raise their awesomeness to new heights of radness.

~ R. Martindale, success story.

Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself


No question Dale Power would follow up his monumental Do-It-Yourself Coffins with the fantastic Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself. Apparently if you died and didn't like your plain-Jane regular coffin, now's your chance to try again and upgrade... to a FANCY coffin! Why not, right?

Awesome Customer Review

This book should be entitled, "Build a coffin at Summer Camp". The quality of the coffin depicted in the illustrations would lead me to believe that the author is not a woodworker and that he is not qualified to write on the subject. The workmanship depicted looks as though a group of school kids put it together. There is nothing in this book that a little imagination and general woodworking knowledge couldn't improve on.

~ A Customer, too ashamed to admit he bought this book.

Knitting with Dog Hair: Better A Sweater From A Dog You Know and Love Than A Sheep You'll Never Meet


This is the book for the person who's given up on everything else. Sure, it's a crafty exercise but I think that once you start fleecing your dog and wearing shirts made from his coat you've jumped the sanity shark well and good.

Awesome Customer Review

I felt bad at first shaving my dog completely bald, but after I got the sweater made using this book, he now looks stylish in his own fur!

~ Tracy, has completely perverted nature.

Ok, so that's my gift to you, dear readers. I feel stupider and I hope you do too. Below I am embedding a clip from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon that inspired my weird journey into the Amazon book section. It's a funny segment. I suggest you watch.